Here I am; 2010 and my very first blog.
It's likely to be a mish-mash of musings and dramas – let’s face it; life in our house is rarely boring - however, after a long hard slog over the years trying for a baby, I find myself almost 6 weeks along...
Ours has been an IVF/ICSI journey(s) from Hell, but no doubt you'll find out all the gory details later on I suspect. For the moment though; here's hoping the wait (and trauma) has paid off and we're going to hit the jack-pot.
At 35, I'm no spring chicken; bio-oil has become my new best friend and I'm contemplating finding a bedroom ‘colour coordinated’ bucket as the joys of morning sickness creep up on me - well, more all day 'blergh' at the moment really - not helped by the sore throat and cold I've managed to pick up.
So that’s copious amounts of snotty tissues to add to the ever growing list of ailments that accompanies the miracle that is the ‘growing fetus’ or ‘fetusES’ in my case possibly; seeing as we had two perfect tiny embryos put back.
The little munchkins were actually conceived back in February (2010), however due being hospitalised with an excruciating case of Severe OHSS (after a terribly managed cycle; cue full re-fund) embryo transfer had to be postponed until April.
Today I find myself at 5+6, full of twinges, aches, nausea…but loving every minute. Mentally, I’m finding things a little more challenging as a result of ‘The Fear’.
Now ‘The Fear’ (I trust I’m not going to get sued by Lily Allen for Copyright) is a normal part of early pregnancy - there are always worries for new mums that everything is ok in ‘there’ and growing as it should be.
However for a seasoned IVF’er ‘The Fear’ can be psychologically debilitating, rendering even the simplest thoughts utterly irrational; emerging like a huge angry monster of emotion, whose tentacles grab hold of your reason, slowly suffocating you with anxiety. It rears its ugly head randomly, without rhyme nor reason, and takes every last morsel of strength to ward off… exhausting.
Work has gone out the window for the moment too – the Interior Design world will have to wait for ME for a change. Luckily I have some time before phase 3 of ‘The Hotel’ kicks off – I haven’t got a creative inspiration in my body at present; it’s all going into creating something much more important.
Today is a good day. Apart from the mountains of snot and fits of sneezing, the sun is shining, the animals are out and all ‘n all, it’s a good day to be alive.
